expression
find it against one's conscience; too proud to do
A formal, somewhat literary expression used when someone refuses to do something because they consider it dishonorable or beneath their dignity. Often followed by a verb in the negative or a phrase indicating refusal.
See also: 潔しとしない
彼は不正な手段で勝つことを潔しとせず、潔く負けを認めた。
He found it against his conscience to win by unfair means, and gracefully admitted defeat.
彼女は他人の悪口を言うのを潔しとせず、いつも黙っている。
She is too proud to speak ill of others, and always remains silent.