てあげる・
After a て-form, あげる, くれる and もらう are about favors, not things. Direction decides, as it does with gifts: てあげる for a favor going out from you, てくれる for one coming in to you. てもらう is "have someone do it".
out
Tomorrow I'll read a picture book to the children.
in
Mr. Yamamoto fixed the broken chair for me.
in, starting from you
My grandmother taught me how to put on a kimono.
てあげる: do for someone
doer は + Verb in the て-form + あげる
From you, or between other people. Not for you.
てくれる: do for me
doer は／が + Verb in the て-form + くれる
"For me" is built in, so 私に is usually left out.
てもらう: have someone do
receiver は + doer に + Verb in the て-form + もらう
Here に marks the one who does it.
The idea
A favor travels like a gift: one person does something, and another is better off for it. Each sentence is told from where you stand. See which way the favor travels, and the verb follows.
From you to someone else
てあげる: "I did it for them".
My mother was busy, so I made dinner for her.
From someone else to you
てくれる: "they did it for me". The sentence starts from the one who does it.
Ms. Sato sent me the photos from the meeting.
The same favor, told from your end
てもらう: "I had them do it". The sentence starts from you.
I had Ms. Sato send me the photos from the meeting.
Between two other people
てあげる, or てもらう if you start from the one who gets the favor.
My father set up my grandmother's new smartphone for her.
てあげる or てくれる?
In both, the one who does it is the subject. The difference is who it is for.
Not said: 田中さんは
(Tanaka lent me an umbrella.)
Told from where you stand, てあげる is never someone else's favor to you.
Not said: 私は
(I lent Tanaka an umbrella.)
And てくれる never goes out from you.
"Helped me" is 手伝ってくれた
"My friend helped me move" has no word for the favor. Japanese has one. When someone does something for you and you are glad of it, the verb takes てくれる, and that is what says "for me".
My friend helped me move.
Your move, and you are glad of the help.
My friend helped with a move.
A bare report. It doesn't say the move was yours, and about your own it sounds as if it had nothing to do with you.
てくれなかった says you hoped they would, and they didn't.
Even though I was busy, no one took over for me.
てくれる or てもらう?
One favor, two ways to tell it. With てくれる you start from the one who did it. With てもらう you start from yourself.
My older brother took me to the station.
The one who did it is the subject.
I had my older brother take me to the station.
You are the subject. The one who did it takes に.
Here 兄に is "by my brother", not "for my brother".
Both tell it as a favor to you. てもらう often means you asked, and it is the usual one for something you arranged or paid for: a repair, a haircut, a hotel booking.
I had the store clerk bring me a different size.
I had the travel agency book a hotel for me.
Saying thank you: てくれてありがとう
"Thank you for …ing" is てくれて before ありがとう. The て-form by itself doesn't work here.
Thanks for telling me.
Not said: 教えて
(Thanks for telling me.)
Thank you for coming today.
Your family is on your side
A favor from outside to your mother or your little brother is coming your way too, so it takes てくれる.
My mother's friend is teaching my little brother Japanese.
Things people say
This box is too heavy for me to carry.
Then I'll take it to the entrance for you.
to a friend
Will you help me prepare tomorrow too?
Excuse me, could you take a photo for me?
もらえますか, "can I have you…?", is a polite way to ask.
Could you help me for a moment?
もらえませんか is a little softer. To a teacher or a boss it is ていただけませんか.
To someone above you
Between friends and to children, てあげる is friendly. Said to a teacher's or a boss's face, てあげます sounds as if you are handing down a favor. People say what they did, or offer with ましょうか: 荷物を持ちましょうか.
Sounds odd: 部長、
Manager, I printed the meeting materials for you.
People say 印刷しました.
Who it is for: に, を or の
There is no one particle for the person you do it for. It is に when something goes to them: a thing you buy, make or lend, or something you teach, tell or read. Otherwise it is the particle the verb gives them.
I read a book to my little sister.
I looked over my little brother's homework for him.
It is his homework you deal with, so の.
Not said: 友達に
(I helped my friend.)
手伝う takes を: 友達を手伝ってあげました.
Close neighbours
てくださるN4
てくれる, when the one who did it is above you: a teacher, a boss, a customer.
My teacher corrected my essay for me.
ていただくN4
てもらう, in the same case. As a question, ていただけませんか, it is the careful way to ask a favor.
My professor was kind enough to look over my manuscript.
Asking a friend: the same verbs as a negative question.
Could you wait a moment?
A request in the shape of asking permission: "is it all right if I have you…?". Soft and a little roundabout, and heard every day.
Excuse me, could you take a photo for me?
With the passive, what someone did to you is often unwelcome. てもらう is for what you wanted.
A stranger took my picture.
English "have someone do it" can be an order. That is させる: you make them. てもらう is a favor.
My mother made my little brother clean his room.
With no て-form in front, the same three verbs are about gifts.
My older sister gave me a watch.
Check yourself
1Which one fits?
友達が
Choose an answer to see why.
2What does this mean?
姉に
Choose an answer to see why.
3"Thank you for waiting."
Choose an answer to see why.
More detail
に or から
When something comes over to you, a thing or some information, the one who does it can take から. It is common for a company or a school.
I had the university send me the necessary documents.
When the verb gives them no particle
のために says who it was for.
A friend looked for a cheap hotel for my younger sister.
に in a request
When you ask someone to do something, they are the one who does it, and they go unsaid. A に in the request belongs to the verb.
Could you let Tanaka know for me?
Tanaka is the one who gets told, not the one who does it.
More sentences
A friend came to the airport to pick me up.
It rained, but a neighbor lent me an umbrella.
I showed a lost traveler how to get to the station.
That luggage? I'll drive it to your house for you.
My younger sister had our father fix her bicycle.
Because it was raining, a coworker gave me a ride home.