差さし上あげる・やる・いただく・くださるStatus-sensitive giving and receiving

These four verbs describe giving and receiving while also showing respect, humility, or a deliberately downward stance. The giver is the subject with 差さし上あげる, やる, and くださる; the receiver is the subject with いただく.

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System guideHow the Japanese honorific system fits together

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Formation

Humble giving

Giver + は or が + receiver + に + object + を + 差さし上あげる

The giver presents their own giving humbly, usually toward a respected recipient.

Respectful giving toward the speaker's side

Respected giver + が + speaker-side receiver + に + object + を + くださる

Its established polite form is くださいます.

Humble receiving

Receiver + は or が + giver + に or から + object + を + いただく

The receiver presents their receiving humbly in relation to the giver.

Rough or downward-directed giving

Giver + は or が + receiver + に + object + を + やる

This is conventional with animals and plants, and can also be blunt when used toward a socially lower person.

Where it fits

RoughHumbleHonorificSpokenWritten

All four occur in speech and writing, but they occupy very different social positions. 差さし上あげる and いただく lower the speaker's side, くださる raises the giver, and やる can sound rough or place the receiver below the giver.

Start with the sentence subject

First decide whether the sentence is built from the giver's side or the receiver's side. Then choose the verb that expresses the intended relationship. A respectful verb does not change who gave what to whom; it changes how the speaker presents those people.

The four-way choice

Swipe sideways to compare every column.

Sentence subject	Form	Social stance	Typical situation
Giver	差さし上あげる	The giver lowers their own side.	Giving something to a respected recipient in a deferential setting.
Giver	くださる	The giver is treated respectfully.	A respected person gives something to the speaker or someone on the speaker's side.
Receiver	いただく	The receiver lowers their own side.	The speaker or speaker's side receives something from a respected giver.
Giver	やる	The receiver is treated as lower, or the tone is deliberately blunt.	Common with animals and plants; possible but socially risky with people.