Keigo: respectful and humble Japanese

A few everyday verbs have a pair of their own, respectful and humble, and they are the ones to learn first. 会あう has only お目めにかかる of its own. Most of the rest work as 待まつ does in the last row. There the humble form needs the other person on the receiving end: you wait for them.

Whose action is it?

A respectful form is right for what a customer, a teacher, a boss or a stranger does, whether you are talking to them or about them. You never raise yourself.

A's question raises your coming. You answer with the humble 参まいります; the everyday はい、行いきます is fine too.

Your own boss and your own family

Your family and your company are your side too. To someone outside your company, your own boss counts as your side, and what your side does is not raised.

On the phone at work. The caller raises your boss. You don't: plain 田た中なか, and おりません.

Go, say, do, eat, see: verbs with a pair of their own

They do it: respectful

Full pageいらっしゃる・おっしゃる・なさる・召めし上あがる・ご覧らんになるN4

The first word you hear in a Japanese shop, いらっしゃいませ, comes from いらっしゃる.

You do it: humble

Full page参まいる・伺うかがう・申もうす・いたすN4

You introduce yourself with three of the humble verbs.

ございます and でいらっしゃる: あります and です, more politely

Full pageございます・でございますN4でいらっしゃるN3

ございます is あります and でございます is です, one step more polite. They raise nobody and lower nobody, so staff use them for your things and their own. From a customer, あります and です are right.

About a person, です also has a respectful form, でいらっしゃる. A thing, or yourself, takes でございます or plain です.

お・ご on a noun: a respectful "your"

Full pageお・ごN5

On the other person's things, お and ご are a respectful "your", so your own name, family and health take none. On some everyday words, like お茶ちゃ, they are just part of the word. お mostly goes with native Japanese words and ご with words that came from Chinese, but many everyday words break that.

お～になる and お～する: the pattern for most other verbs

Full pageお・ご～になる・お・ご～ですN4お・ご～するN4

Most verbs with no pair of their own take お～になる for the other person's action and お～する for yours. What you do by yourself stays an everyday verb.

お～です is a short respectful form, and the one you hear most in shops. It is usually a respectful ています.

Giving, receiving and favors: くださる, いただく, 差さし上あげる

Full page差さし上あげる・やる・いただく・くださるN4ていただく・ていただけませんかN4

Each keeps the direction of its everyday verb, so one gift can be told two ways.

After a て-form the same verbs are about favors: ていただく is てもらう for someone above you, and てくださる is てくれる. They do it, and you receive it.

Asking: お・ご～ください and ていただけませんか

Full pageお・ご～くださいN4ていただく・ていただけませんかN4お・ご～いただくN3

お・ご～ください is てください as staff, signs and announcements say it, and as you say it to a guest, a boss or a teacher. A real favor is usually asked with a question. Staff say お・ご～いただけますか.

From you, the careful way to ask a teacher, a boss or a stranger is ていただけませんか.

させていただく: you do it, with their permission

Full pageさせてもらう・させていただくN3

The させて in front makes you the one who does it, as if the other person had kindly agreed. It needs one of two things: someone really lets you, or what you do inconveniences them. Said only to sound polite, it sounds wrong.

More formal still: お見みえになる, 存ぞんじる, お・ご～申もうし上あげる

Full pageお見みえになるN2存ぞんじる・存ぞんじ上あげるN3お・ご～申もうし上あげるN2

お見みえになる is a respectful "come", not "look": a guest or someone senior arrives where you are.

存ぞんじる belongs to staff and to business email: 存ぞんじております is "I know", and と存ぞんじます is "I think".

お・ご～申もうし上あげる is お～する at its most formal, in a few fixed phrases.

Phrases you'll hear and read

From staff

On signs, in announcements and in email

Where it goes wrong

Several forms start with お or ご and a verb, and only the ending says whose action it is.

When the question is about you, its respectful verb does not go into your answer.

Your own side is not raised, however much you respect them.