Asking someone to do something

The verb is 待まつ, "to wait", and the rows run from the most casual to the most formal. A notice only states its request, so it has no question. Waiting is a small thing, so a teacher or a boss can be told. For a real favor they are asked.

With friends and family

Full pageて・てくれない・てもらえないN4てほしいN4てちょうだいN2

てください loses its ください: 待まって. A favor is asked more gently as a question, てくれない？. The ない isn't "not": it softens the request. てもらえない？ is a little more careful, and often either will do.

てほしいんだけど only says what you would like, and with friends that is an everyday way to ask. てちょうだい is a familiar "do it for me, will you", said mostly by women, and by adults to children and family.

None of these is polite. To a teacher, a boss or a stranger, 待まって sounds like an order.

In polite speech: てください, てもらえませんか

Full pageくださいN5てもらってもいいですかN4お願ねがいします・よろしくお願ねがいしますN5

てください is how polite instructions are given: in class, at the doctor's, at every service counter. It is natural for something small too, and when the action is for the other person's good it is an offer or a kindness.

For a real favor the question is てもらえませんか, "could you…?". てもらえますか is just as common, and a little more direct.

てもらってもいいですか looks like "may I…?", but もらって is in it, so the other person does it: "could you…?". It is soft, a little roundabout, and heard every day.

お願ねがいします asks too, and needs no verb: it follows the thing you want, or where you want to go.

To a teacher, a boss or a stranger: ていただけませんか

Full pageていただく・ていただけませんかN4でしょうかN4てもらいたい・ていただきたいN3

ていただけませんか is the careful way to ask a favor. It asks whether you could have the favor, so the other person is free to say no, where てください would be telling them. ていただけますか asks the same thing a little more directly.

For a big favor or a formal message, でしょうか makes the question softer still: ていただけないでしょうか.

ていただきたいんですが is not a question. It says what you would like, which is polite but still your wish.

てください, てもらえませんか or ていただけませんか?

A stranger is asked with either question. ていただけませんか is the more careful.

Where it goes wrong

English asks with "can you…?". To a friend, that request is てくれる？, or more softly てくれない？.

English also says "I want you to…". To a teacher or a boss てほしいです is too blunt, even with です: it tells them what you want.

The careful question ends in いただけませんか: the け is its "could".

What staff say to customers: お・ご～ください, お・ご～いただけますか

Full pageお・ご～くださいN4お・ご～いただくN3

お待まちください is 待まってください with respect for the person asked. Staff, signs and announcements say it to customers and the public. You say it too: as a host, when you serve customers, or to a boss or a teacher. As a question it is お待まちいただけますか, and business email asks this way too.

In notices and business mail: お・ご～願ねがいます, いただければと思おもいます

Full pageお・ご～願ねがうN2ばと思おもいますN2

お・ご～願ねがいます is how an office or a company asks: in announcements, on signs and in business mail. It says "we ask you to" and doesn't wait for an answer, which is why it sounds official. A personal favor asked this way sounds like a notice read aloud.

いただければと思おもいます is "I'd be grateful if you could": a request with no question in it, for business speech and mail. いただければ幸さいわいです asks the same thing more stiffly, mostly in writing.

Asking someone not to do something

Among friends "don't" is ないで, and in polite speech ないでください. お・ご～ください has no negative of its own. For "please don't", staff and signs say ご遠えん慮りょください, "please refrain", or more officially ご遠えん慮りょ願ねがいます.

What goes in front of a request

Full pageすみませんが・悪わるいけど・恐おそれ入いりますがN3

A request often opens with a word of apology, which changes with the person too.

どうぞ is the "please" of an offer, "go ahead". To ask for something yourself, people open with すみません.

Other kinds of asking